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I Got the “Feels”

As promised in yesterday’s post, I am going to try and write about some things I am feeling lately which will maybe include a little bit more about me. I am trying to gauge how much I actually want to share, so this is a work-in-progress. But I will start here…

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As I dig into some mid-day cereal (Rice Crispies) and finish taking my vitamins, I listen to the silence echo and revel in the fact that these moments are precious moments. These moments are for me and me alone. These moments are running out (I am going to be a mommy soon), so I do not take them for granted. Today, in my life, I try to soak up every single moment…because I know that I can never get a single moment back. There is no moment that can be re-made exactly the same as it was before. This is not and never will be Groundhog Day.

I forgot how quickly Rice Cripsies get soggy. It reminds me of being a kid and having to eat cereal most mornings and not because I was forced to, but because cereal is what was for breakfast. I remember basically choking down the spoonfuls of mush as fast as I could because the thought of chewing the mush would make gag. To this day, I prefer a cereal that stays crispy for as long as possible, so honestly I don’t eat cereal that often. I just happened to have a box of Rice Crispies from making Rice Crispie Treats a while back. I actually prefer granola and hate to waste food, so being the foodie that I am, I can eat almost anything, as long as it is doctored up a bit; to my liking.

I think I am that way with most things in my life. The whole idea of “when life gives you lemons…make lemonade” is a mantra that I heavily stick to. It is part adaptability and part control-freak. I can adapt to almost any situation and have done so time and time again. Shitty situation, uncomfortable situation, exciting situation, new situation, Groundhog Day-type situation…Over the years, I have learned to either make the most of any situation or find some way to change it, you guessed it, to my liking. Don’t get me wrong, I use to complain a lot or place blame on others for my circumstances, but then it finally clicked: I have so much more control than I realize and that means I can’t blame anyone but myself if I don’t like what I feel or what I see. My husband often says: “If you don’t like the truth, change it.”  In my life today, I am happy with what surrounds me and what my circumstances are because I have learned that I can either be my own worst enemy or make my dreams a reality.

But at times, things are beyond our control and for a control-freak like me, these kinds of things tend to make me uncomfortable and give me an anxiety that is worst than an itchy rash. I can’t seem to shake it, and itching sure doesn’t help. These things that are beyond our control are the ways other people feel and how they express those feelings and no one can simply change how another person feels. There is no way around this. What another person feels or thinks can change only if they want it to change. And so I must remember that other people’s insecurities are not my flaws. Remembering this little bit of advice calms my nerves enough that I can lift up my chin and reflect on the fact that I am doing the best I can and if someone doesn’t think so, I can only help them so much. I can not make them think the best of me. I can not make them do anything. I can only live with integrity today, forgive myself for the past and look forward to the future.

None of us are perfect and few of us are easy to understand, so there must be grace.

There must be love.

That is all I have for today: just some simple thoughts. Thanks for reading!!

 

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